i said "no" to somebody today. and although i should be proud of myself, i instead feel uneasy. what comes around goes around.
having said no, i am alone. i could have someone in my arms right now. i could have a relationship fulfilling nothing other than temporarily relieving my insecurity of being alone, instead of just being alone.
this is new to me.
it's like having an older version of myself constantly fighting with an new, emerging version of myself. i know the new is a better, stronger version, but the older brings more (false) pleasure.
